


Space

by Smapdi



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Angst, F/M, Forgive Me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3617238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smapdi/pseuds/Smapdi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Best Man.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space

She should feel relieved, she thinks, staring at the photo in her email. Mindy should be thrilled to see him safe, smiling and clean shaven, his eyes crinkled at the corners and his shirt just a little damp, with his arms wrapped around her parents' shoulders. But she just feels numb.

She silently prays that the tiny genetic masterpiece she's cooking in her belly doesn't share his father's predilections towards being So. Fucking. Stupid.

She had forced herself to calm down last night after an hour of near hysterical crying had her heart racing so wildly that she lost her dinner. The swirling water in the porcelain was a bit hypnotic. Her blood pressure already too high, she came to the stunning realization that she could lose everything in an instant, and it nearly crushed her. As resolutely sure she had been that she would be fine no matter what, Mindy knew that was no longer true. This baby, this amazingly strong life force inside her, it changed everything. It wasn't just her life that was affected now, and she would do anything to protect him.

So she chose not to respond to Danny's email or the increasingly concerned ones that followed. When the front door opened so late at night that it was really morning and he called out to her, she could hear the fear in his voice. She would be lying if she said there wasn't a small part of her that was glad that he got to suffer the same way she did for a little while.

But it wasn't misguided revenge that made her decide not to email him back, and not to respond to his texts and calls. He knew that she was alright; he had to have called Jeremy and Peter and even Morgan, because they all had texted to check on her. Morgan had even begged to come over to see for himself that she was okay, but she couldn't handle his kindness.

She just couldn't bring herself to talk to him, to say what she had to say by text or phone. She knew she'd have a hard enough time when he got home, so the hours in between provided her the luxury of building her courage. She'd run it all through in her head, replaying his words: I don't know if we have to, if I want to... marriage doesn't mean anything.

Mindy knows she isn't a fool but sometimes she feels like it, the way she lets herself sway in whatever direction Danny is leaning. He's all in when he thinks he will lose her, and then he pulls away when he feels too much pressure. And it's not like the pressure is intentional; she's tried really, really hard not to force his hand, but to hold it, as he navigates the messy puzzle of his emotions. All along she has been so sure that everything would fall into place, and she just had to help him sort out the edges and watch as the bigger picture is revealed.

It just turns out it's not the picture she had expected.

So yeah, she accepts a little blame, because all the warning signs have been there all along. He runs hot and cold, and while the hot is very, very warm indeed, the cold is chilling, as is her realization that the Danny Castellano she wants is not the Danny Castellano she has. And there's not a damn thing she can do to change that.

He appears in the doorway and she can't help herself - her heart swells at the sight of him, because she loves him so fucking much. He looks like she feels: haggard, exhausted, wrecked. The stubble has grown back just enough to give his cheeks a dusky, shadowed look, matching the circles under his eyes. He's at her side in a second, reaching for her, and she knows if she lets him, he'll stop her before she starts.

So she starts.

She shakes her head immediately because her mouth is suddenly so dry she can't speak. Turning from him slightly, she sits up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Their son must pick up on the rumble of her emotions, because he is suddenly awake, moving, stirring up that mother bear protective instinct inside her.

"Why, Danny?" She blurts. This isn't part of her well rehearsed script; she's already losing control. 

He's clearly confused.

"Min, I don't know what you're asking me."

"Why would you do this? Why would it be easier for you to fly across the world to meet my parents than to just stand by my side? And why would you just disappear without telling me? I was so scared, Danny."

She doesn't want to cry, fighting valiantly against the tears, but it's a battle she can't win. Danny reaches for her again, saying his apologies, but she's heard them all before.

"Mindy, Mindy, listen," he murmurs, and she lets him take her hand, because she's aching so badly for his touch. "I wanted to show you that I can do this. I need you to know how committed I am to you, to our family. I'll go to the ends of the earth for you, just believe me. Believe in me."

The lump in her throat is hard to swallow.

"How can I believe in you if you don't? Danny, you don't have to make these ridiculous gestures..."

"I didn't mean to scare you," he says, interrupting her, the panic in his voice rising. She recognizes it, and thinks she shouldn't be so familiar with the sound of him freaking out over their relationship. "I didn't think you'd find out. I told Pete..."

"That's not the point, Danny. I shouldn't have to worry that if you're out of touch, you've finally cut and run. I can't live like that - we can't live like that." Her free hand comes to rest on her belly, feeling the movements beneath. "I won't spend my life waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"No, no, it's not.. I'd never do that, Mindy. I'd never leave you." Danny's eyes are glistening and it tears her to shreds. "I love you. I love you." He chants it, like a mantra, and she has to steel herself.

"I love you too, Danny, but it's not enough."

"What do you want? What can I do to make it enough? You want to get married, let's get married. We can go to Atlantic City right now." The desperation in his voice is haunting.

"Damn it, that's not... I told you, I don't want you to marry me because you feel obligated."

He's squeezing her hand so hard, she thinks it might break.

"I want to give you what you want, Mindy. If that's what it takes to convince you, I'll do it. I just don't think a piece of paper is what defines a relationship."

"Then why are you so scared of it? I feel like that's exactly what you think, that marriage defines a relationship and that's what terrifies you about it. Marriage isn't the thing that can make or break us, and yeah, it's just symbolic, except it's not, Danny. It's not to me. And it's not the answer I'm looking for right now."

Danny shakes his head, his eyes huge, sad pools. "Then what, what?"

She feels like she's drowning. "I don't know. I need to think. I need some time."

"I have that. You can have all the time you need." A look that's a little like relief flashes in his eyes.

"I know. It's not up to you." Mindy exhales, closing her eyes against the fresh flood of tears burning behind her lids. "I talked to Adrian. Ironically, he's getting back together with his wife."

The silence hangs heavy as Danny stares at her.

"What does that mean?"

She slips her hand out of his grasp and looks away. She can't quite bring herself to say it if she's looking into his eyes.

"I'm moving back home, Danny."

"Home?" His voice sounds defeated, cracking on the single word. "Mindy, this is home. Our home. And I bought us a house. We're family, Mindy. We are."

"And we always will be, because of him." Mindy casts her eyes at the swell of her belly. "But until I can be sure that I won't always be on pins and needles waiting for you to panic, and that you're not feeling trapped or smothered by me, I can't risk what this is doing to me. To our son."

"What are you talking about? I don't feel trapped. I love you. I want to be with you. I'm committed to you, to our baby. Let me prove it to you."

"It's not... I'm not saying it's forever. I just know, it's not good for me to feel like this right now. I need to take care of myself, of our child, and I can't do that if I'm under this level of stress."

"Let me take care of you."

"Then let me go."

Danny buries his face in his hands, and Mindy's resolve nearly falters, but the pounding of her heart reminds her that her body needs to be a healthy space for the life growing inside her.

"Don't do this, Mindy. Don't do this to us," he pleads.

But there's a relationship that's more important right now than hers with the man she loves, and she has to be strong.

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, and please understand sometimes I write purely for me. This was a catharsis, to work through some of the feelings I was left with after watching. I by no means feel like it's an end.


End file.
